Confrontation is a tool of communication used in relationships.
It is used in every category of relationship: between countries; between family members; between the governing and the governed; between lovers; between the righteous and the bigots.
In every case, the confronter puts the relationship on the line … whether they intend to our not.
2020 was marked by an epidemic of confrontation. Social media was one of the “super spreaders” of this virus.
At this point in a sermon, I would normally interject an example from my personal experience. Since I am a confessed sinner, I have an endless supply of personal examples of “what NOT to do” regarding almost every human sin. However, in this case, my record is so dismal that … well, please forgive me …
Confrontation is a blunt tool and once “the first shot is fired,” the parties are committed to an unpredictable outcome. Confrontation is sometimes justified.
Here are some of the things that Jesus teaches about confrontation. In one instance he employs confrontation in dealing with the money changers: “And Jesus entered the temple and drove out all who sold and bought in the temple, and he overturned the tables of the money-changers and the seats of those who sold pigeons. He said to them, “It is written, ‘My house shall be called a house of prayer,’ but you make it a den of robbers.”” esv
We must take great care when we are prompted to follow Jesus in this example. We must remember that Jesus led a sinless life, so when we do what Jesus did, we must be sinless in our words, deeds, thoughts and motives. “Brothers, if anyone is caught in any sin, you who are spiritual [that is, you who are responsive to the guidance of the Spirit] are to restore such a person in a spirit of gentleness [not with a sense of superiority or self-righteousness], keeping a watchful eye on yourself, so that you are not tempted as well.” amp
Jesus did instruct us in the correct approach: “If your brother or sister sins against you, go to them. Tell them what they did wrong. Keep it between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them back. But what if they won’t listen to you? Then take one or two others with you. Scripture says, ‘Every matter must be proved by the words of two or three witnesses.’ But what if they also refuse to listen to the witnesses? Then tell it to the church. And what if they refuse to listen even to the church? Then don’t treat them as a brother or sister. Treat them as you would treat an ungodly person …”nirv
Notice how we must recognize the risk to the relationship. The implications of this entire passage must be understood, before the first step is taken. All of the steps are prescribed, not just the start. Step One: Private, one to one. Step Two: Private with witness(es). Step Three: Public. Step Four: Relationship Ends.
Each of the first three steps comes with a possible reconciliation outcome. However, there is a real risk that taking the first step will, ultimately, permanently end the relationship.
Yes, Jesus endorses confrontation as a relationship tool. Yes, there are circumstances where we must courageously move in that direction. Yes, Godly confrontation should have the goal of reconciliation.
We must value the relationship so much, that we are willing to risk the destruction of relationship itself.